Cassidie Roberts says the first time she held her daughter Aurora Jille’ia Marie, she smelled of Bath and Body Works’ Warm Vanilla Sugar perfume

The first time Cassidie Roberts held her daughter Aurora Jille’ia Marie, she was 44 weeks old.

Sitting with her husband Dean in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU), Cassidie glanced down at Aurora, who had a faint scent of vanilla, reminiscent of Bath and Body Works’ Warm Vanilla Sugar perfume, and was covered in a fine layer of fur, the mom recalls.

“She was incredibly tiny,” Cassidie tells PEOPLE exclusively. “We nicknamed her jellybean because she was so small, and her middle name was Jille’ia Marie.”

“She could almost fit in the palm of our hand,” the Pennsylvania local, 30, adds.

Aurora was born on Aug. 1, 2023, weighing 15.9 ounces and measuring 10.35 inches long, at just 23 weeks old.

Three weeks before Aurora’s premature birth, during Cassidie’s 20-week appointment, she sensed something wasn’t right with her pregnancy. She requested her doctor check her cervix, but since it was early in the pregnancy, the doctor didn’t feel it was necessary, she recalls.

However, a week later, at 21 weeks pregnant, Cassidie called Dean, who works in a federal prison, and told him she needed to go to the hospital.

“When I got there, the high-risk OB team came down to see me, and they checked my cervix. At that point, I was 3 centimeters dilated, and my water bag was bulging through my cervix,” she says.

Doctors performed an emergency cerclage — a stitch to help keep the cervix closed — but a week later, it started to tear.

“So, I was readmitted back into the hospital until I gave birth,” Cassidie, who is also mother to 3-year-old son Atlas, says.

“I just remember praying out loud to God. I know not everyone is religious, but I kept saying, ‘Please help her breathe. Please help her breathe,’ ” she continues. “After about 20 minutes, they came and got Dean. They told us she was intubated, but stable.”

In addition to being a 23-week preemie, Aurora also had a rare chromosomal issue: she was missing chromosome 7q36, which likely contributed to many of her health challenges.

“A week after birth, Aurora suffered a grade three brain bleed, and at 1 month old, she underwent heart surgery to repair a hole in her heart,” Cassidie shares. “Later on, we found out she also had ventriculomegaly, and despite undergoing eye surgery three times, her eyes weren’t improving.”

In December of 2023, Cassidie and Dean consulted with a nephrologist about testing Aurora for a rare kidney disease. During this time, Cassidie, already a certified nursing assistant, decided to work as an Intellectual disability (IDD) nurse to better understand the challenges faced by individuals with intellectual and developmental disabilities.

On Jan. 29, after nearly six months in the NICU, Cassidie was at the hospital for discharge training and to finally bring Aurora home.

However, as she prepared to leave, doctors called her back with the news that Aurora had developed fungal sepsis, a deadly infection, following the placement of her G-tube on Jan. 18.

According to the Sepsis Alliance, sepsis is the leading cause of death in children, claiming nearly 3.4 million lives annually. Many children who survive sepsis face long-term challenges, with more than one-third experiencing changes in cognitive skills even 28 days after hospital discharge.

“I was shocked,” Cassidie recalls. “‘What do you mean? I’m here for discharge training. She’s supposed to come home in a couple of days.'”

“The doctor looked at me and said, ‘We’re running labs, but it’s not looking good,’ ” Cassidie continues. “As a healthcare professional myself I knew in my heart that we weren’t leaving the hospital with a baby.”

Reflecting on that moment, Cassidie recalls looking around the room at her husband and mother-in-law and making eye contact with the doctors before stepping into the bathroom. She knew she had to make an agonizing decision.

“I stood before the mirror,” Cassidie says. “I reassured myself, ‘You’re not being selfish. Moms can feel that way, but not you.’ Gathering resolve, I emerged from the bathroom, clasped the doctor’s hand, and asked, ‘Am I making the right decision?’ Quietly, she replied, ‘What’s your decision?’ “

“I said, ‘I’ll go in there and tell them it’s okay,’ ” she continues. “‘As her mom, I’m saying it’s okay. We don’t have to continue. I knew she was ready to go.'”

Upon re-entering the room, Cassidie looked at Dean, and without words, he understood her thoughts.

“‘I can’t watch her suffer, Dean,'” she remembers telling him. “‘Everyone says I’m strong, that she’s holding on for us. I just don’t want to be selfish.'”

“Dean looked at his mom and sister, tears streaming,” she remembers. “‘Okay, we’ll do this,’ he said. Turning to a doctor, she asked, ‘Can I hold her until she passes?’ He nodded. So, I held her as she died.”

After Aurora died, Cassidie found solace in familiar scents, visiting Bath and Body Works to buy the Warm Vanilla Sugar perfume that reminded her of her little girl.

Since then, Cassidie has shared more about Aurora’s journey on TikTok, including the difficult decision to let her go. She has used her platform to educate other NICU parents and started a fundraiser called Jilly Beans Donations, sending comfort boxes to other families in need.

“People sometimes hesitate to bring her up, especially because she was a baby,” she says of Aurora. “But I encourage everyone to talk about her with me. Yes, it may briefly sadden me, but knowing that you remember her means the world to me.”

“I don’t want her to be forgotten,” Cassidie adds.

“I hope that our family’s story continues to inspire and make a difference,” she continues. “Our journey, though tragic, was still beautiful. It was a struggle, but it was also filled with moments of grace.”

@cassfreakinjay he loves visiting his sissy’s “home”.. #cassfreakinjay #grief #griefjourney #grieftok #infantloss #childlossawareness #weaintangryatyoulove ♬ original sound – 💕 audios 💕

For Cassidie, the hardest part of grieving is balancing her role as a mother to her son Atlas while grappling with the loss of Aurora. She says every time they go to visit Aurora’s grave, Altas tells her their going to see “sissy’s home.”

“He carries her picture with him, and it breaks my heart because he would have been the best big brother,” she adds.

“I hope it gets easier,” Cassidie says. “They say time heals everything, but I don’t think it does. I think we just get better at coping with it over time. I do hope to have another baby in the future, but only when I’m truly ready.”