A lot of us are able to find a work-life balance that allows for our jobs not to spill into our personal lives. But some jobs don’t just come with long hours; they come with baggage that can wreck a relationship. Maybe it’s the constant travel, unpredictable schedules, or the stress that spills into every conversation. Some careers even encourage habits that make home life harder, like keeping secrets or always being “on call.” Of course, not everyone in these fields is doomed to a rocky love life, but the odds aren’t great.
Recently, redditor dirtymoney wanted to know about those jobs that make relationships hard when they asked: “What professions make the worst spouses?”
The thread got over 2K responses. Below are a few professions people say can be the toughest to marry into:
1. “Restaurant/bar manager/owner. They work every day, often 12–15 hours, every holiday and weekend. The term ‘restaurant widow’ is a real thing. Alcoholism/drugs are ever-present, there’s a high cheat rate, and a complete lack of accountability; it’s just ‘part of the job.’
—Grigsbyjawn
“I’ve been working front of house most of my adult life, and it’s very true. My most successful relationships are with other service industry people — otherwise it’s just not doable (for me).”
—SironaGrace
2. “Chefs.”
—Dalostbear
“That’s why it’s so hard to date outside of the industry once you’re in it long enough. My partner and I are both chefs, and while he’s been the SAHD the last decade, it would have been impossible to work my way up if I were with someone who didn’t understand how it goes in a kitchen and the amount of unpaid time it takes up when you actually enjoy your career.”
—NoCobbler8090
3. “Anything where you’re a trailing spouse in a foreign country. It can sound cool if your spouse goes somewhere cool, but it’s also incredibly lonely and isolating. Likely, you’re moving somewhere where you know nobody but your spouse, and they’re working all day (even more isolating with children), and you’re basically left on your own in a foreign country. Even worse if it’s a country you don’t like. The foreign service divorce rates are through the roof.”
—yousonofabench
4. “From my experience dealing with clients… surgeons. The personality type of a surgeon is often a relentless and often sociopathic person with a singular interest on one thing (being a good surgeon). They are great at their jobs because of these personality traits, but on a personal level, they often lack empathy/compassion, reduce everything to clinical and mechanical terms, and are incredibly cold people. And because of their intense competitive streak, it can be impossible to get along with them during any kind of competitive play. When you throw a spouse in the mix and 70–90-hour workweeks, you often end up with a toxic stew.”
—HoverboardHerring
5. “Over-the-road truck drivers.”
—No-Text-7825
“I applied to rent a house from a guy who was formerly an OTR trucker. He was in a talkative mood and told me that he had 10 kids. He’d made a deal with them if they got Bs or higher in school, he’d pay for their college. He was on kid #4 in college with a few teens still in high school. He worked a lot because he was paying a crap ton for college.Then he paused and said that, really, he owed it to them after what he’d done to their mom. He was on the road all the time in those days, trying to make money. To cope with being at home with all of the kids by herself, the mom started doing OxyContin. She got addicted and then eventually overdosed.He had to quit his job to take care of the kids, and that’s when he realized having a ton of kids was a ton of work, and often a thankless, lonely job. He felt pretty bad that he’d left her there to handle all of that alone and started sobbing out his grief.
So yeah, that seems like a tough one.”
—raisinghellwithtrees
6. “Police hands down, the DV rates are actually terrifying.”
—Limp_Anteater_5232
“Police officers. They will beat you, and if you try to report it to their coworkers, they will take their side.”
—sevenbluedonkeys
7. “Lawyers. Often married to the job, whether it is for the money or a cause. Definitely do not put two in the same relationship. As an old adjunct professor told our class one time: ‘Folks, as people who are training to be lawyers, let me give you some life advice. A lawyer becomes you, or you were always it. Either way, you don’t want two people trained to argue in the same confined space for that long, much less being forced to make life decisions together. There is a perfectly lovely nursing university in the city center, a few miles down the street.'”
—rainbowgeoff
8. “Flight attendants. They work away from home for days or weeks, jetlag messes with the body, and they deal with unruly passengers with a smile. Also, cheating is through the roof.”
—BenneIdli
“Cheating aside, not a lot of people can handle their partner being away for so long. I sure couldn’t. My friend is married to a flight attendant, and he absolutely hates it. Another friend was with a flight attendant for a couple of years, but couldn’t handle the constant distance. It’s signing up to be in a long-distance relationship half the time with no end date.”
—cilantroprince
9. “Pilots. I was a flight attendant, and I’ve seen how they act and what they do on layovers.”
—_diaphonous_
“Been dating one for 10 years. Can agree. It’s a horrible job to have and horrible to date one. Always gone. Always tired. Always lacking social interaction. No possibility to really plan anything. No holidays together. This year was the second time he was there for my birthday…. God. We got together one year before he became a pilot. I would never ever ever date a pilot again.”
—CallMeFlapadap
10. “Morticians. Unless the spouse is in the industry or is very understanding prior to marriage, the late nights, death calls in the middle of the night, and the missed dinners, family functions, and holidays. Essentially, putting others before your own can take a toll if someone isn’t on the same page.”
—DucatistaPhalen
11. “I haven’t seen this mentioned yet, but investment bankers often make terrible spouses. The job is incredibly demanding — long hours, high stress, and a spillover effect into everyday life. The industry is very hierarchical and competitive, which can carry over into the relationship. You’ll often find your partner distracted, cancelling plans at the last minute, or stressing over what seem like menial things. Despite the six-figure bonuses, many also struggle with lifestyle inflation, so financial responsibility isn’t always a strength. Add to that the constant travel, client dinners, and the ‘work always comes first’ mentality, and it’s not as desirable as people think to date someone in finance.”
—uwubeebee
12. “I think bartenders have some of the highest divorce rates or cheating rates. Makes sense when you have so many opportunities to cheat and you work weird hours.”
—Amadon29
13. “My mind goes to the military. Away for long periods at a time, often come back with problems (PTSD, etc.).”
—TapeDeckSlick
“Long deployments, erratic schedules, high stress. Thankfully, I got out before I was ready to settle down. I saw a lot of marriages end. Infidelity was wild, on both sides. In the Navy, we used to joke that if you listened closely, you’d hear the sound of a hundred wedding bands being dropped as soon as a ship got underway — from the sailors and the spouses.”
—DamnItDarin
14. “Nurses. My own experience is they’re drained and burnt out, so you get the brunt of their anger and frustration. And also no compassion ’cause they’re all out of that when they come home.”
—taytay237
15. “Filmmakers. Usually 14-hour workdays. Sometimes months away working on a film. Inconsistent work hours. And then your partner falls in love with someone else while he’s away and lies about it, so yeah. Never doing that again.”
—thelunchbunch160
16. “Fighter pilots. Similar to surgeons in many ways. You have to be incredibly driven and focused to make it to that level, combined with a God complex, and being deployed for months at a time. Also prone to using drugs and alcohol to manage the highs and lows of launching like a rocket off the side of a carrier, dropping ordinance, and then coming down. Navy pilots are definitely the worst of them all. Never again.”
—No-Employment-8570
“I’ve got a naval aviator in my past, too. We have this crazy, strong connection, but I just could not deal with the hot and cold behavior. He needs a lot of therapy.”
—ComprehensiveBook482
17. And lastly, “Never, ever marry a rock musician. I wouldn’t recommend dating one, either. I spent 17 years on that ride (if you count dating musicians, then meeting and marrying one), and it was a fucking nightmare. You will always come in second to a guitar or a gig (or drinking or drugs). Obviously, your mileage may vary, but for me, it was an exercise in futility.”
—suzepie
