Dealing with certain family members can be incredibly challenging, and for many, in-laws top the list of strained relationships. While blending into another family you didn’t grow up with is no easy task, some stories about mothers-in-law make it clear that not all of them are even interested in forming a bond with their child’s spouse.
- I recently got married, and we’re staying with my husband’s mom until we can afford to move out. But she insists my husband sleeps in her room instead of ours, claiming it’s just how they’ve always done things. I was shocked and incredibly uncomfortable. He doesn’t see anything wrong with it.
One evening, I came home to find her angrily throwing my things into garbage bags. She accused me of “stealing” her son and said I wasn’t welcome in her house. I confronted her, and my husband finally took my side, telling her that her behavior was unacceptable. We’re still staying with her for now, but I feel like I’m living in a minefield.
- One day, my MIL came over unexpectedly with a young woman she introduced as Lila. “This is who I always pictured for my son,” she said right in front of me. I was stunned, especially when she added, “You should take notes from her. She cooks and cleans like a real wife.”
I felt humiliated. That’s when my husband suddenly said, “Mom, this is unacceptable,” and escorted her out of the house. Later, I found out that Lila was the daughter of one of her friends, and she’d been pushing them together long before we got married.
- My MIL is really lovely, but one bad habit of hers is taking unflattering pictures of people and posting them on her Facebook. She doesn’t ask if she can post them, and she doesn’t tag you. She’ll also go through your old FB pictures, download them, and use them to create collages which she’ll post randomly with a caption like “Look at my beautiful daughter-in-law!”
The first time I ever met her, she showed me all of my own pictures from Facebook that she’d saved to her PC desktop! She really doesn’t think it’s a problem to do this, no matter how many times we’ve told her it’s inappropriate. © whysweetpea / Reddit
- My in-laws invited us to go on vacation to visit my husband’s extended family on the other side of the country. We politely declined, telling them that we were planning to visit some really good friends for our vacation that year. My MIL asked if we’d made firm travel plans yet, we said no and that we were waiting for our tax return to buy the plane tickets.
Her response was, “Then there’s no reason you can’t go with us because we bought your tickets to fly out with us!” She legitimately thought it would be okay for us to change our vacation plans just because they’d purchased our tickets without asking us first. © Unknown author / Reddit
- A few weeks after our wedding, my mother-in-law finalized a split with my father-in-law and came begging to us for assistance. I paid her legal fees and gave her our second vehicle to get her past the divorce. Since then, she’s been on my cell plan, I’ve paid for half of her Christmas gifts for my wife’s younger siblings, I’ve covered mortgage payments, among other things that I feel like most sons-in-law wouldn’t even consider.
My wife and I recently celebrated our sixth anniversary and welcomed in our firstborn, but as fate would have it, mommy dearest is as much a dependent today as ever. She’s recently asked for assistance with replacement of her home’s central heating and cooling system and help paying bills, which I told her we were unable to help with due to the expenses we anticipated due to our baby. Now I’m an ungrateful son-in-law, unworthy of her daughter. © Unknown author / Reddit
- My mother-in-law once took my SO’s keys to our house and made copies for herself without telling us. She believes firmly that houses should stay unlocked, so family can walk in and out uninvited as they please. She was not happy when we changed the locks. © Unknown author / Reddit
- My MIL can never just choose a gift for my husband or children. She has to ask several times, then asks where to buy it, how much, what size, etc. And this isn’t her just being cautious of getting the right gift, she just hasn’t taken the time to know what people like or cannot be bothered to think for herself.
We tried for several years to say “just buy something from you, that you think they might like” and it was always some voucher. Once, she bought a pair of grandpa slippers for my 8-year-old son. Now it’s just easier to tell her exactly what to get and never expect a surprise.
The worst thing is that she then incessantly messages the gift receiver to see if it has been delivered, have they opened it, did they like it (sometimes even days before the birthday). I spent years suggesting lovely presents for her grandchildren, and then she would take all the credit. Now I usually just tell her the least expensive, least sentimental thing they might have put on their list. © ShadowShell78 / Reddit
- My MIL waited until I went to the bathroom to ask my husband if she could be in the delivery room when our baby was born. She then claimed the timing of her request had nothing to do with me not being present. © HyggeSmalls / Reddit
- My mother-in-aw used to stand at the bottom of the stairs and call out to my toddler, who was at the top of the stairs. She did this so many times, even after me asking her not to. © Unknown author / Reddit
- My former mother-in-law was, when we all first met, incredibly narcissistic. The night of our rehearsal dinner, she stood up and said that she wanted to say something (we all assumed she was making a toast). What she actually wanted to do was tell us all that on the Wednesday following our wedding, SHE was getting married (none of us knew she was even dating anyone).
Then, at our wedding the next day, she wore her wedding dress — a white miniskirt suit. Several of the wedding pictures are somewhat confusing if one didn’t know all of the parties involved. © esk_209 / Reddit
Frannie recently shared her story with us. She made the tough decision to turn down her mother-in-law’s offer to buy them a house, suspecting it came with hidden conditions, and an unexpected incident confirmed her doubts.
My MIL Became the Third Wheel in Our Marriage, and My Husband Does Nothing to Stop Her
Marriage can be tough enough without outside interference, but for Frannie, her mother-in-law has become a constant source of tension. At only 24, Frannie has already declined her MIL’s seemingly generous offer to buy them a home, worried it would come with strings attached. Her suspicions were confirmed when something shocking happened in her own house, solidifying her fears.
Here’s the letter Frannie shared with us:
Thank you for opening up, Frannie! Here are some suggestions that might help you handle this tricky situation with care and confidence.
Establish clear boundaries with your mother-in-law.
Think about sitting down with your mother-in-law for an honest chat about your home and personal possessions. Approach the topic respectfully but confidently, saying something like, “I value your input, but I’d prefer to keep my personal items, like my makeup and family keepsakes, the way I’ve arranged them.”
Setting these boundaries will help make it clear that your space is your own to manage.
Redirect her need to be involved.
Your mother-in-law’s controlling behavior may stem from a need to feel relevant or connected, especially if she’s struggling with letting go of her role in her son’s life. Find ways to redirect her energy toward more appropriate forms of involvement.
For example, suggest that she contribute to something that doesn’t infringe on your space or autonomy, like helping with a family event or offering her advice on something small. This way, she feels included but isn’t overstepping boundaries.
Have an open and honest talk with your husband.
Take some time to talk with your husband when you can have a calm, uninterrupted conversation. Share your emotions about his mom’s behavior—like swapping out your bedsheets or discarding your makeup—and how it makes you feel undermined and like your personal space isn’t respected.
Try to frame your points using “I” statements, like saying, “It hurt me when my grandmother’s mirror was taken away because it has deep sentimental meaning for me.” This way, you can express your feelings clearly without making him feel defensive, helping him see things from your side.
Create a joint plan with your husband.
Work with your husband to outline clear rules for dealing with situations involving your mother-in-law moving forward. You could decide, for example, that any significant changes or decisions about your home need to be mutually agreed upon beforehand.
This approach will encourage your husband to take a more active role in addressing these issues and help you both present a united stance, reinforcing your partnership.
Abby, one of our readers, also reached out for help with a tricky situation involving her mother-in-law. At Abby’s baby shower, her MIL gave her an embarrassing present in front of everyone, leaving the expectant mother upset and humiliated. Frustrated, Abby asked her MIL to leave the party. Here’s what happened.
