Cold stares have cast a shadow over one woman’s family gatherings. Her husband’s daughter always thought she married her father for the money. Little did she know, there was a family secret that could change everything she thought she knew.

I’ve (38F) been married to my husband Rob (52M) for four years now. Rob’s late wife passed away a year before we met, and we dated for two years before tying the knot. He has two children, 28-year-old Madison and 26-year-old Brett. They’ve made it clear that I’m not their stepmom, just their dad’s wife, which is fine since I didn’t play a part in raising them.

Our relationship has always been strained. Despite my efforts to be kind and generous, they remain distant. As a child of divorce, I understand the difficulty of seeing a parent move on, so I try not to push things.

Recently, Madison got engaged, and we were all thrilled for her. During a family gathering, she asked about the wedding budget, and Rob offered to contribute $10k. Madison was upset, hoping for more, but Rob is still recovering financially. Before his late wife passed, he spent his savings, cashed out his 401k, and took a second mortgage on his house to cover medical and living expenses, as he had to cut back on work. Eventually, he switched to a lower-paying but more flexible job. So, $10k is quite generous from him.

When Rob stepped out to run an errand, Madison asked if I would contribute more. I explained that as a marital unit, we agreed on $10k as a reasonable contribution. She then accused me of marrying her father for his money. This was the rudest thing she had ever said to me, and I lost my temper. I revealed that I have been paying the second mortgage her dad took out to pay his debts.

The truth is, I earn significantly more than Rob, have no debt, and have been covering 70% of our household expenses since we got married. The $10k we’re giving her is possible because I’ve been subsidizing her father’s living expenses. I wanted her to know that not only am I not a gold digger, but I’m also financially better off than my “older husband.”

Madison called me stuck up and stormed out. Later, she called Rob, claiming I blamed her mother’s illness for the budget constraints. I explained what really happened, and while Rob was angry with her, he also said I shouldn’t have disclosed his financial details to his kids.

• “You are not wrong, but you have to know that you’re either stuck up or a gold digger to a child (even an adult one) who has determined to make you a wicked stepmother.” Petefriend86 / Reddit
• “It’s important that she and her sibling understand his financial standing. Not to be a downer, but eventually, if he passes (hopefully not for a long time), you don’t want to be facing accusations that you’ve robbed an inheritance.” LouisianaGothic / Reddit
• “They were his late wife’s medical debts. It’s not like he has anything to be ashamed of. I’m assuming she had a long illness, and he was a caretaker for a long time. It takes a toll.
  I see no reason to keep it from his kids, and he’d be a jerk to let them believe you’re a money drain on your marriage when it’s the kids’ mother’s medical care doing it.” th987 / Reddit

• “Your husband needs to have stern words with his kids. If he doesn’t have a word about calling you a gold digger and then spouting lies, you may need to consider whether he actually loves and respects you. Perhaps he’s the gold digger!!” Tasty_Doughnut_9226 / Reddit
• “The kids are grown-ups, and now they need to start adulting. She is lucky she got that offer from her dad. Why do these kids act so entitled? UGH.” banjadev / Reddit
• “He’d rather have his kids say you are a gold digger than tell them the truth. They aren’t your kids, don’t contribute a dime to the wedding.” ArsenalSeven / Reddit

Building a blended family is never easy, but we need to remain committed to fostering understanding and respect, hoping that one day, we can move past these tensions and truly become a united family.